Far Better
I woke late.
Prayer, meditation, and "Daddy, can you make grits for breakfast?"
(this is a long point) I am reflecting on the idea of being in a season of success in a time of restraint. There's a quote on my desktop. "Success is a decision between what you want right now and what you want the most." I am in a season of not right now for excess or just extra material things. I took a chance on myself, and my income was reduced by about 60%, enough to cover my overhead with little to no wiggle room for wants. It's beautiful when I reflect on it. Anything or any person I connect with in this season is mutually fruitful to spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical wellness. Love in this season is a fascinating surprise. I am grateful and in awe. I budgeted for it before it manifested. If success is a decision between what you want right now and what you want the most, that will make this season of sacrifice a season of faith and preparation to set me up for success. I chose me. I believe that I'm skilled enough and worthy to succeed at existing as my whole free self.
There are purple wild petunias, new hiking trails, and lunch at the playground. Miles has a new superhero jump.
I spent my childhood and early adulthood lost, reaching for hands in the dark. Then, through a village of support, I became a person I could love. I strive daily to be a man of strength and beauty who observes the world's grace and knows how to safely get you there and home.
Zoom meetings with brilliant creative people remind me that I made the right (and hardest) decision to leave teaching in the traditional classroom.
I ate an unreasonable amount of bread today. Story revisions & bread.
Miles & Zoe still attend the school I left. Meet & Greet night: Being back in the building sent a surge of anger and disappointment through me that I thought I'd worked through. Accepting non-closure is a part of life. Lesson: Many people in a top-down environment are propelled by a defective system to pledge their allegiance to the entertainment of sensationalism, true or false. There is a twisted sort of hope in the unattached surveying of the disturbance of another's life that enlivens an otherwise drab hamster wheel.
There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” —C.S. Lewis
What if she survived all the sinking moments—danced and stretched her way out and up to the heavens? What if you were placed in a clouded world to love her like the sun making way for the moon?
A Yama-designed home? Working it around in my head, in my heart.
I’ve been overtalking my kids lately. I didn’t realize I was doing it, assuming I knew what they were trying to tell me and smothering their voices with my answers. Toya brought it to my attention. (Thank you.) 90% of the time, I found myself wrong in that assumption.
Apologizing to your children and making joyful acceptance a foundation so dreams don't collapse. A reminder that most folk don't need forgiveness, just a safe space to land on love and an understanding that we are all living through-stumbling through internal & external reaches for growth.
I want to bring Mama here and love on her: sneak green smoothies, sunshine, and Anita Baker-dance parties into her cancer cells.
vegan Taco Tuesday was a bust. Try again next week.
Showers, prayer, and gratitude list.
I can't watch the video. I find myself consistently disappointed by the black church’s forward gaze. I don’t want to understand it or wait for it to get better by and by. I don’t want to participate in our suffering as thrilling buzzwords. I am tired of saying names like Sonya and countless others that should be held alive instead of posthumous celebration. I am tired of black death being delectable.
Everyone is problematic to a cause.
Everyone is a hero to a cause.
Peach, ginger tea.
With all my heart…Té
